Depression can rob you of years of life.

Depression is most often thought of as an oppressive sadness. When we see it portrayed in the media, it is shown as a lack of energy and a desire to withdraw from the world.

These can all be true about depression, but they are only part of the picture.

In fact, depression often manifests very differently for men than women.

Depression is a loss of vitality.
This loss can show up many different ways. Overt sadness, loss of energy and motivation, a loss of pleasure in enjoyable events, and a tendency to withdraw from social support are all symptoms of depression. Others you might be less familiar with: irritability and anger, difficulty sleeping, increased sleeping, loss of appetite, increased appetite, poor performance at work, difficulty concentrating, physical pain, or relationship problems.

It is rare for a man to come into my office, of his own volition, and say: I’m depressed. They tend to come in because their partner has urged them to, or because they are confused and frustrated about some aspect of their life that isn’t working. They will say, I’m under a lot of pressure or I’m feeling really stressed out.

Men do their best to hide their pain.

 Men receive both open and covert messages throughout their life that they should be strong, brave, competent and silent about what is going on inside. Especially if it might make them look “weak.” So they say, “I don’t want to talk about it,” and close themselves off.

If only it worked. You can’t wish away your suffering, and pretending it isn’t there only gives it more power over you.

 

Covert suffering takes many forms, few of which we typically think of as depression:

  • Increased or problematic use of alcohol or other substances
  • Increased anger, irritability and relationship conflict
  • Decreased sex drive
  • Increased risk-taking behavior
  • Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
  • Disturbed sleep
  • Increased or decreased appetite
  • Pain (especially in the neck, shoulders and back)
  • Emotional withdrawal from relationships
  • Increased and chronic stress
  • Suicide

There are serious consequences to ignoring depression

Depression doesn’t always get better with time. You can spend years, even decades in a state of depression. And the more time you spend depressed, the more your brain gets “wired” for it, the more likely you will get depressed again. Men with depression are more prone to infection, get sick more often and require longer periods of recovery, are more likely to die of heart disease or cancer, and have a decreased life expectancy.

Men are more likely to attempt suicide and when they do, more likely to succeed at killing themselves.

It isn't your fault, and you are not alone.

Sometimes, the hardest part of treating depression in men is convincing them that they didn’t do anything wrong.

You aren’t depressed because you made the wrong decisions, or weren’t trying hard enough, and you certainly aren’t depressed due to a character flaw or because you are weak.

Depression is a function of your brain, and you have no more choice in the matter than if you had epilepsy.

There are times when medication is very helpful, but it isn’t always, and is often not the first step in treatment.

Acceptance an Commitment Therapy, a mindfulness-based approach to treatment, is a research-backed protocol for lessening the effects of depression and building more successful strategies to reclaiming your life.

Don’t let your depression trick you into thinking that no one can help. Don’t let it lie to you about your future. Contact me for a free phone consultation and take your first step back toward a better life.